Libra (September 23-October 22)

The book you purchased this morning will not actually teach you how to cast magical spells. Emma Watson will not be able to help you with the hard parts: it's not the text she used at Hogwarts. If you read it closely, however, you will discover the difference between their, there, and they're, and even learn how to spell Mississippi and Connecticut, which should get you a lot of invites to the right parties. Hold off on the tuxedo fitting, however; your waistline continues to expand exponentially -- that's two x's, two p's, and two l's.

Libra (September 23-October 22)