Sunday, June 20, 2010
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
After losing twenty pounds in one week on your panda-and-dolphin diet, it's time for another contrarian gambit: take everything out of hedge funds and invest it in solar depots for interplanetary tourism. Sure, other investors will call you crazy. But they said the same thing in April when you got out of off-shore oil leases and into Afghan mineral concessions. Tonight, let Bombshell show you her new body art.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
Libras are children at heart. If you don't have kids to see Toy Story 3 with, it's perfectly fine to go alone! But hanging out at the playground fives afternoons a week is frowned upon. The incident with the Sponge-Bob costume shouldn't be repeated, and sharing your smokes on the monkey-bars is simply unacceptable. Tonight might be a good time to dispose of the Pokemon cards.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
Times are hard for everyone, but quitting your job at Bob's Big Boy so they can hire another girl does not actually alleviate unemployment. Nor does moving back in with me make housing any more affordable, except for you. Your Venus is on the cusp; until you've seen a gynecologist, so are you.
Leo (July 22-August 22)
Your travels have brought you to a beautiful land where you can simply reach down, pick up a diamond, and put it in your pocket. Mine guards, however, are trained to shoot on sight anyone who attempts it. Mr. Kurtz pays his diggers a fair wage, thirty rand a day, but he charges forty for room and board. Obviously your best bet is to bribe one of the guards to help you escape, but which one of them is the Capricorn? Hint: it's the one who drools.
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