don't say you weren't warned

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Virgo (August 23-September 22)

Your moon in confluence with Saturn always makes you over-sensitive. Answering a subpoena to appear in court does not constitute a romantic date with an old flame. Rehearsing testimony is not the same as reminiscing fondly. Any attempt on your part to set fire to my iPhone will be answered by a rain of destruction upon your Jimmy Choo's too terrible to contemplate. This evening would be ideal for you to take a long, calming stroll, since I'm not picking you up from work.
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Leo (July 22-August 22)

Your ability to shout "Shiver me timbers!" and "Rum, me hearties!" in a convincingly roguish manner earned you a berth as cook on a Somali pirate ship. Your decision to serve bacon and eggs for breakfast the first morning brought an abrupt end to your seafaring career and re-acquainted you with the dogpaddle. The good news: what looks like sails in the distance are advancing rapidly on your position. The bad news: you ignored our advice to get your lens prescription checked.
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