Capricorn (December 21-January 19)

It's only due to an extraordinary confluence of your moon in Jupiter and a short-circuit in a video camera that you remain at large while your accomplice is behind bars. Armed robbery is not a viable career choice for most Capricorns, especially those who develop a stutter in stressful situations. If you insist on keeping the entire forty-six dollars yourself, you would be wise to invest it in a bus ticket to Toronto.

Capricorn (December 21-January 19)