Aries (March 20-April 19)

Ignore the rumors. Despite constellation slippage, the astrological community has no plans at this time to replace your sign at the head of the zodiac. Your Campaign to Eliminate Taurus is not only misguided, it's also attracted the attention of the legal department at Ford. On the other hand, no one will say a word if you shoot a Gemini on sight, and there's good money to be made at it if you're willing to work in volume.

Aries (March 20-April 19)