Aquarius (January 20-February 17)

We forgave you when you slept through the Reagan administration, and when you disappeared from 2003-2006, we accepted your excuse that it was your "lost weekend". But there have been cutbacks all over the zodiac lately. The universe needs to show a profit this quarter. If you can't be bothered to show up in your normal spot between Capricorn and Pisces, there are a dozen other constellations that would jump at the chance. Get your stars together, dude.

Aquarius (January 20-February 17)